Ocean of Tears
by Sorix
Summary: Dark fic. A sad story. Rated R for violence, language, mature situations, sexual themes, gore, and breif nudity. What would happen if Shinji lost Rei? Find out in this depressing story. First draft, so expect errors.


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***Note to reader  
  
Hello, and welcome to my fan fic. This is only  
my second fic, so bear with me. This is the  
first draft of this story, and the second draft  
is much better, but still under construction.  
The second draft is only half finished, and   
already triple the size of this version. I know  
there is a lot of errors in grammer and spelling,  
and the storyline is very confusing and out of  
order. I didn't take the time to revise this  
draft because the second draft is in the working.  
  
Mail me at sorix00@yahoo.com and visit my web  
site at http://206.211.88.68/~hedgesj if you want.  
  
Enjoy the fic.  
  
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Ocean of Tears  
By: Sorix00  
  
The only thing on my mind for the past three weeks  
was Rei and her beautiful  
perfection that was suddenly shattered by hate. I  
couldn't think about anything except her:  
her pale, smooth skin, her red eyes that always saw  
right through you, her long slender  
legs, her perfectly thin waist, her blue hair that  
seamed to stand out as the most beautiful  
in the world, her attractively round breasts, her thin  
lips, and all around amazing image  
about her. There seamed to be a sense of glory that  
loomed around her like a mist. If  
clones could go to heaven, I know Rei is the most  
beautiful out of every saint, priest, and angel up  
there. I thought that when I moved in with her, my  
life would become the most wonderful anyone could ever  
wish for. No man in the world was as lucky as I to  
have such a phenomenal girl to keep me company. I  
truly loved her, and wish she was still around. The  
pain I feel for loosing her is a giant hole in my  
soul, never to be filled again. I guess I should tell  
the story from the beginning:  
  
Just before I moved in with Rei, Misato told me that  
she had a bad feeling about us living together. I  
thought she meant us having sex, but I now know what  
she was saying. As I walked out the door with my  
stuff, she stopped me.  
  
"I know something gonna' happen. There's a problem,  
but I can't pin-point it exactly. I'm begging you,  
please wait until the gang problem is over," Misato  
warned.  
  
Foolishly I ignored her caution, "Don't worry,  
nothing will happen to her. I'm going to make sure  
she is always safe." I wish I had never made that  
promise. I now realize that I could have stopped her  
from dying. I have not slept ever since that dreadful  
day, for every night I lie on the floor crying and  
going over in my head how much better my life would be  
now if only I had prevented it. A tear for each  
regret: an ocean of tears.  
  
As I walked from Misato's apartment to Rei's, I began  
to think for the first time about how it would be,  
living with the woman I loved. I pictured a perfect  
setting: her and I going to school, coming home to  
eat together while gazing into each other's eyes,  
relaxing together on the couch as she watched movies  
she liked and I watched her, bathing together and  
playfully splashing each other, then ending the day  
sleeping in each other's arms.  
  
I knocked on her door, and almost immediately she  
jumped out and hugged my neck, swinging her legs as I  
struggled to support myself, her, and my suitcases.  
She planted a deep, passionate kiss on my lips and I  
returned the invitation gratefully.  
  
She reached up and pulled my ear to her mouth, "I  
love you." I heard these words leave her mouth and  
enter my ear and knew that she meant them with all her  
heart and soul. I knew this because I felt the same  
way about her. There was a mutual intimacy that we  
shared for one another, and I knew she knew it. A  
tear for every lost kiss: an ocean of tears.  
  
I walked in with her still wrapped around me like a  
python, and went to the bedroom to unpack. As you can  
guess, I was interrupted. She loosened her grip on me  
and went over to the bed. The apartment, I noticed,  
was very clean and kept up; the few items Rei owned  
were all put away, her bed was made, the floor was  
vacuumed, kitchen mopped, bathroom cleaned, etc.  
  
I placed my belongings down next to the closet in our  
room and looked at Rei. She gestured for me to come  
near, and I went to stand next to her. My lips were  
once again warmed by hers as she embraced me and  
kissed, using her tongue a lot more that usual. Her  
hands slid up and down my back and massaging me. She  
broke the kiss and once again whispered in my mouth,  
"I love you," only with more intensity on the word  
"love".  
  
****Note  
-- The scene below is not what it first appears to be.  
This will be explained as you read. This story is not  
lemon.  
****Continue...  
  
Her hands' grip moved from the small of my back to my  
rear and she kissed me harder than ever. I returned  
the offer by sliding my own hands around her back,  
eventually resting on her firm butt. After a while,  
she broke the embrace and moved to the other side of  
the bed. She removed her shirt, and watched my  
expression as she unhooked her bra. When she took off  
the rest of her clothing, I removed my own and we  
moved onto the bed.  
  
The love we made that night was like no other. We  
did not do it for fun, or lust, or to prove anything  
to ourselves or each other. The love we made was out  
of just that-love. The only reason we ever had sex  
was to show pure and intimate love for one another.  
But this story is not about my sex life. This story  
is to tell of my despair and sorrow for the one true  
lover that I lost. A tear for every night spent  
alone: an ocean of tears.  
  
The morning after our first night together was filled  
with flirtatious teasing and giddy, love-driven  
conversation. We talked about anything and everything  
as I unpacked and got settled into the apartment.  
Everything from stories about my childhood to plans  
for marriage and children. The words that we shared  
were on very serious topics, but we treated them as  
things of no importance. To us, the only thing that  
was with meaning was our love for each other. I would  
have never guessed that our plans for what pet to have  
would be our last moments together. A tear for every  
conversation that went unshared: an ocean of tears.  
  
As I left for the grocery store, I grabbed my jacket  
and kissed Rei good-bye. The gun I bought for  
protection still in my pocket, the keys in my hand.  
  
She said with her red eyes showing love and caring,  
"Be careful, and come back soon." These last words  
were words that will ring in my ear for eternity.  
Every day I remind myself that if only I had let Rei  
go with me, like she wanted, I would still have a  
companion. Little did I know that if only I had  
locked the door, or left the gun home, or took her  
with me, I would be so much happier now. No. I had  
no idea that the gang I met the day before would  
follow through with their threats. A tear for every  
chance to save her: an ocean of tears.  
  
The gang I keep mentioning I shall explain in detail  
now. The day before I moved in with Rei, I decided to  
go to the park. I was still deciding whether or not I  
would move in with Rei or not, and I wanted to be  
alone to make up my mind. Rei, of course, wanted me  
to be with her. I wanted to be with her. Misato and  
Ritsuko thought it wise to stay in different places  
for a while. They said that if we wanted more  
happiness later, we ought to wait until marriage to  
move together.  
  
It was a very cloudy day, and rain looked probable,  
so I took an umbrella with me. When I was about half  
way to the park, I accidently dropped my umbrella and  
bent over to pick it up. Unfortunately, there was a  
gang or rough-looking men headed in my direction, and  
they were the type that didn't stop for anyone.  
Instead of simply going around me, they bumped in to  
me and sent me sprawling across the sidewalk.  
  
"Watch out!" one of the punks yelled to me as I  
struggled to get up quickly.  
  
Sub-consciously I muttered back, "Fuck you," and was  
unprepared for the fist that came swinging at my jaw.  
I was hit hard and again fell onto the cement.  
  
I kicked my leg out to trip the passing crowd and  
succeeded. My bright idea wasn't thought through very  
well. The entire gang of twenty then jumped me and  
gave me the scare of my life. I was able to escape  
the crow bars and bats with only a bruise on my leg  
and jaw.  
  
As I ran down the street towards home, I heard one of  
the punks yell, "We know where your girl lives! We  
gonna' kill her, bitch!"  
  
I did not take this threat seriously because I  
figured that they couldn't know where she lived. I  
also thought that they wouldn't go that far just  
because of what I said. I thought about this later  
and realized that one of the faces that jumped me was  
familiar: Toji was part of the group. I did,  
however, go to the gun shop with Misato later and  
bought a nice pistol to use if in case I was ever  
confronted again.  
  
No amount of revenge I could take will ever replace  
Rei. I know this, but will still avenge her death.  
Toji was as good as dead when I reached his apartment.  
I was headed there with a new toy: a sawed-off  
shotgun. The look on Toji's face when he saw me with  
the shotgun in my hands was the highlight of the day.  
He looked like he wished he had never joined any gang  
when he stared down the barrels of my 12-gauge ticket  
to vengeance. A tear for every piece of lead in Toji:  
an ocean of tears.  
  
****Note  
-- The scene that follows this note is the worst  
part. It explains in vivid detail exactly how Rei was  
killed. Go get some tissues before proceeding, and  
don't say I didn't warn you...  
****Continue...  
  
Toji, I found was the one who actually killed Rei.  
About five members of the gang simply walked in the  
unlocked door of my beloved's apartment only  
half-an-hour after I left, according to my neighbor,  
and they did the worst thing anyone could ever do to  
me. My neighbor told me the entire story from the way  
he saw it. The group, lead by Toji, ransacked the  
rooms and searched for my Rei. They found her in the  
bathroom taking a bath and getting ready for me to  
return (getting ready for sex). The group of hateful  
bastards dragged her by the hair through the rooms  
into the kitchen and then did the most disgraceful,  
painful, horrible thing you can do to any woman. My  
former best friend and his new pals raped my beloved  
Rei. They raped her in the most disgusting way:  
using a knife to cut her open farther, sticking  
pencils and forks in her, then they all took her one  
by one, laughing the whole time. They then took my  
angel out of this world. They used the knife to stab  
her many times. The bunch of monsters started at her  
feet and stabbed Rei, about an inch between each  
thrust, all the way around her body. They used a  
lighter to burn her hair as they stabbed her and  
jammed ice in her mouth to muffle the screams.  
  
I found her hanging from the ceiling, a noose made of  
her bras around her neck, with an inch of blood below  
her covering the floor. Her hair burnt, mouth full of  
ice, body totally unclothed, skin drenched in blood,  
and eyes gouged out. Neither Rei nor myself ever did  
anything to those people to make them have to do that  
to her. All I did was drop my umbrella. A tear for  
every indignity they inflicted upon Rei: an ocean of  
tears.  
  
I will spend the rest of my life hunting down each  
and every member of that gang. I will do all this in  
remembrance of my one and only joy, my one and only  
happiness, my one and only love: Ayanami Rei.  
  
A tear for every hour endured without the one you  
love: an ocean of tears.  
  
An ocean of tears.  
  
FIN  
  
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***Note to reader  
  
Well, wasn't that interesting? Sorry again about  
the confusion. I should be done with the second  
draft by June. Again, my e-mail is sorix00@yahoo  
and my site is http://206.211.88.68/~hedgesj.  
  
Until later, goodnight and God bless.  
  
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